Seeking New Deaths

by Andean Shrine

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credits

released October 30, 2016

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Track Name: Mixing Drugs
[The dizzying convulsions of a new existence blended perception with turmeric and gasoline. Replace a sick stomach with a sicker stomach and hope that the first step of cleansing is controlled poison. Continue poisoning yourself until you forget what you were curing. Find a new hole to sleep in. Call it home out of some bohemian notion. Realize that this new hole is somehow better than the first.]
Track Name: It's So Easy
Once said:
– “Fall for fun
or for drama
But do not speak
Of filth as honor
Unless you’ve been
Buried, dead, dead –
Did you see the lights coming? “

In reply:
– “No one said ever I needed to.”

Life as play, or life as pain,
Which one is the blacker comedy?

– “Let me be less of me,
Or whatever I am in your shit mind

May I be tied to me,
And only my own lack of reason?”

If you're free let me go
Romantics are better in a hole
Where we can dream of a time
When we were buried dead, dead

Did you see a light coming,
When you found yourself caged in?

If it's so easy to be shit
Why aren't you struggling?
Why aren't you struggling?

When I feel fine.
Track Name: I see You
Things forgotten,
Sometimes forbidden,
The forgiven hurt more
As it washes my wounds
much deeper

Thus, I see you fading far
Violently,
and indifferently.
Track Name: Alone
Attention
To the youth that leaves you
Pay Attention
To the time that sees you pass
More of the promises
You swore would make you die
Maybe some death can come in handy now

Through these teeth I hear myself
Growing gray, loosing hair

A new found life of self-betrayal
Will make you all you bare

And all you wanted didn't matter
When you assumed you knew yourself
You knew Yourself
You know yourself?
To know yourself
You kill yourself
You end the self
End yourself

Attention
To the love that leaves you be

Attention
'cause it may be exactly what you need
To be away from
The side of yourself
That won't let you die
Track Name: It's Hard To Leave Your Fears
Looking back I found
Comfort in the pain
Mistaking pain for ache
I tricked myself to stay.
Pain will bring the light
If you're ready to feel
The perks of being free
And the darker side of the horizon seen

Because the light might actually blind you
Loose you
Guide you
Just to the very edge of freedom
And if you're sick enough with it
You might just have to jump in

Fall in
Track Name: Violence
I don't want to know if it happens again. I can't know. Some blows can hurt more than one person.

Violence done to you is violence done to me and I can't see or think at the thought of –

The act of hitting a door
over and over: unbalancing, and satisfying.

But who am I hitting, seeing nothing in front of me.

Seeing nothing but

that ghastly image
of you in pain
Track Name: Release
[If there's any godliness in this, it must be now. But in suspecting, thinking, and possibly knowing, I have destroyed it. What are the fruits of discontinued destruction?]
Track Name: Ouroboros
[ My grandfather cried during the last moment
of his life because the had lost the ability to
speak while on his death bed, thus not being
able to relay his last words.

These are the realities I was raised on: life is
shit, take of your family because no one
else will take care of you;
now that I've learned to love unconditionally
I have no one to love unconditionally

Because no one will love me unconditionally except my family]


I see the beauty in destruction
And You do it so well
Yell, cry and shout all at once
(you do it so well)

Fortunately
death is more fun than life
Destruction more fun than
construction


And I'm so glad
That throughout our lives
we seek to find life in death
So let's grab hands
and keep dying little by little
to feel alive

Unfortunately
Death is more fun than life
Destruction
Is more fun than construction
Unfortunately
Death is where you find life
A destruction preceeding
That


Remember that our actual deaths won't be
the greatest moment of our lives
So keep looking for life
In the death
that evades us all
Track Name: In That Moment
Searching parts of you
Discarded from my use .
Raking with the hands
Of a colder, older groom

But upon finding it
I realized that
I am actually just
l...

Striking awkward tunes
Enticed some older fumes.
This love's leather gloves
Are worn outside this room too

To guard, my bare fragile skin
From the hunger of eyes so pinned;
A moment too soon I'm grabbed
A moment to soon to see

That I'm lost
I'm lost in you

How do I see my way out of this
Sick, sick sex
That cycles through our days
The sick sex that turns our cum into pus
The sick sex that makes our hearts beat blacker blood
How do I see my way out of this
As we're so entrenched in

The infinite mess of love and sex
The infinite misery of love and sex
The infinite misery of beauty and love
The infinite mystery of beauty and love